Guest Post by Tami
I enjoy American literature, and Mark Twain’s Life on the Mississippi is one of my many Twain favorites.
I can easily understand the awe Twain felt for the big river and all its magnificence. It was world unto itself, seen through the eyes of a young steam boat pilot surrounded by beauty, danger and mystery. In this story Twain shares that once he became a seasoned pilot, much of what he saw and felt (of the Mississippi), earlier faded in favor of the objective straight forward task of navigation. He then ponders the view of a doctor who may in time develop the same clinical view of a lovely woman patient he might examine; no longer mindful of her beauty. This too is beautiful.
When I became fascinated with the thought (at a very young age), of becoming a girl, my perspective was much like young Twain's yearning for adventure on the beautiful river. My captivating dream continued for decades until adulthood; as the forbidden and mysterious wonder of what being a woman could really be like. I knew it had to be special.
Women were wonderful in my world but many aspects were exceedingly difficult to comprehend. I got along with them beautifully and felt I fit in, but there were always those unknowns. For me, they lived on a pedestal, and I observed at a respectable distance unable to discover all the answers by just dressing up.
Then slowly with observation, listening, practice, study, and the multiplicity of steps one might take to improve one’s appearance, my persistence resulted in confidence With confidence came more experience and with experiences came friendships with women, compliments, encouragement and acceptance. How gratifying it is to be told one is accepted and reassured in the many ways friends assure us of their bonds. The key to what I sought, was unlocked with my own refined presentation, femininity and personality.
In short order, the mysteries of womanhood, femininity and what they were and who I was melted away. I learned that they were very much like me, (or I like them), in most ways. The thrills and excitement of my early days of dressing evolved into the new normal. Living part time as Tami, I do so naturally, comfortably, easily, and without hesitation. I understand who I am and like an seasoned pilot, I go about navigating through the day like any women might.
The enjoyment is very different now, but much better without the mystery and wonder. Now there is comfort, peace and the enjoyment of just being me, knowing the river well.