I Love A Success Sttory - My Wife is Transgender...

And I LOVE her

When Zoey first came out to me, I’m not going to lie, I was a little shocked. OR WAS I?! I asked the question, but I don’t think I was quite ready for the answer. I looked into her eyes, REALLY LOOKED, and realised she was telling the truth.

All those times she’d hidden her phone or lied, ‘I’m fine!’ when I asked her if she was okay, started to make sense. She was hiding her research. She was hiding her other IG account, she was hiding Facebook groups, emails to clinics and more. All those times I’d questioned why she didn’t trust me with her phone suddenly made sense. Can you imagine finding out that way?! I don’t blame her for being secretive.

See also: My Husband Wants to be a Woman: Kelly’s Story

She’s been living with this for her whole life.

For me, it was new. Not something I didn’t know about, nor something I didn’t support (I support trans folk with all my heart), but it was new that the person I married was transgender. This was my stumbling block. Why hadn’t I worked it out? Why hadn’t she told me?

Anyway, as you’ll have seen (from blog posts and Youtube), I got my head around it all within a very short time. I realised the most important factor in it all was that…

 LOVE HER!

There’s nothing I would ever want to change about our love. I feel pretty much like she’s the person I was always meant to be with, my twin soul, my other half, my best friend. And the truth is, since coming out, we’ve grown even closer. Something I’d never expected to happen…

I thought were as close as close could be, but I was wrong. We are allies, protectors, lovers, best friends… I literally worship her. And our love has grown because we are there for each other, with unwavering support and love. She’s relaxed into herself, Zoey, the beautiful woman I married. This has pivoted our relationship into a deeper state of love, a love I struggle to even describe, because it’s a love I never thought possible.

I love the strength we’ve discovered together. I love the love we’ve discovered. I love seeing her unravel into herself, a phoenix rising from the flames. I love her confidence. I love her body (it’s beautiful to me no matter what). I love her dreamy eyes and her beautiful kisses. I love seeing her laugh, really laugh, and I love that it feels like we’ve fallen in love all over again.

So this is my love letter, if you like. My declaration of dedication, my ‘shouting it from the rooftops’ message of love, my undying love confession. I love you, Zoey Emelia Allen, and I always will.

Do you feel unconditional love for your partner?

Feminine Differential - Unremarkable

But Remarkable ...

I am always searching for a casual wearable look.  Something that is understated feminine, although will never be mistaken for androgynous. It makes mall blending in so easy because a cocktail sequin dress is not what I see, ever at the mall. Palm Beach has its share of upscale places, restaurants / boutiques, and there are always places for the ultra-feminine look. Choosing wisely to be safe and not attraction attention is a good goal.

The above Chico's  "Zenergy Scuba Cap Sleeve Tee" is great look. Graphic tees will always seem feminine especially if the image is flowers, or paisley. This top has a bungee cinchable short cap sleeves hemline for adjusting the length to a full cap sleeves. A nice feminine touch.

Chico's is a sister store for my Soma store. We share coupons and I get to use my associate discount there. Their audience is on the mature side (who am I to talk), however, I am finding their clothing to be more stylish than a few years back. Some of  their jeans are especially attractive with embroidery and decorations. If you have not visited Chico's recently, check it out. Their size are generous.  

Also, do not forget that "Summer" is just a few weeks away. Shorts anyone????

So you’d never wear a skirt in public?

 
Men, you don’t know what you’re missing

     Phineas Harper
     January 3, 2024

‘Skirts are practical, expressive and,
when worn by men, mark a small
step towards gender equality.’
Photograph: Alberte Lauriden

I started wearing them to test my sister’s lighthearted theory about feminism. Now I can’t do without their vibrant versatilit.

My sister has three questions she asks men who say they’re feminists. It only takes one “yes” to pass her test, and yet few do. The questions are: if you get married to a woman, would you (and any kids) take her surname? If you had children with a woman, would you step back from your career to be their primary carer? And, simplest of all, would you wear a skirt in public?

The questions are lighthearted, and not intended to truly cut to the heart of feminist issues, but it’s interesting to see how many men sheepishly give three “no” answers nonetheless. Despite much apparent progress towards gender equity, some conventions around how men feel they must act and dress differently to women are stubbornly persistent, from family to fashion.

Baby names and childcare arrangements are inherently fraught topics, but I’m surprised how many men say they’d never even consider wearing a skirt. Twenty years ago, the curator Andrew Bolton noted that “while women enjoy most of the advantages of a man’s wardrobe, men enjoy few of the advantages of a woman’s wardrobe”, and that “nowhere is this asymmetry more apparent than in the taboo surrounding men in skirts”. While a few celebrities, such as Brad Pitt and LA Lakers basketball player Russell Westbrook, have worn skirts to red carpet events, it’s still vanishingly rare to see normal men wear normal skirts day to day.

Blokes, you’re missing out! I began wearing skirts six years ago to see if my sister had a point, and it’s only since then I realised what I’d been missing. Skirts are fantastically versatile: thick, pleated and cosy in the winter, light and breezy for summer. They come in a vast array of shapes and characterful styles, leaving the frigid palette of blacks, blues and browns that dominates most male fashion in the dust. You’ll easily find more panache in the skirts section of M&S than in its entire menswear department.

Men who’ve never worn them will often claim skirts are impractical, but this simply isn’t true. Free from complex gussets, skirts are less likely to tear than trousers, but easier to mend and usually straightforward to adapt. “What about pockets?” you cry. True, there’s a long and sexist history in women’s fashion of clothes made without pockets, but times have changed. Margaret Howell and Vivienne Westwood were putting pockets in their skirts decades ago – and these days you can find skirts with decent pockets in Toast, LK Bennett, Cos, and even H&M.

Male fashion is hardly rooted in practicality, either. I love a snappy tie, but it’s hard to think of a more ostentatiously impractical garment than a silk scarf elaborately knotted around the neck. And while blue jeans were once tough workwear, the pairs men buy today are pre-bleached and distressed in factories, with rivets added purely for show. Ultimately, men’s fashion is just as much about aesthetics as women’s, so why not have more fun with it?

Read more here...

Skirts are practical, expressive and, when worn by men, mark a small step towards gender equality no less valuable than women’s long-fought battle to wear trousers. If you need a gateway drug, buy a black kilt on eBay and build your skirt collection from there.

Modern menswear is too often a parade of gloomy conformity, produced by an industry that contemptuously sees male shoppers as predictable and dull. But you don’t have to follow the crowd to be stylish – a man in a skirt signals self-assurance and inner confidence, which are always in fashion.

Phineas Harper is chief executive of the charity Open City

Toxic masculinity, crossdressing, and acceptance

Beyond the closet

  By:Stephanie Moga

Stephanie Moga
A woman and a writer trying to find her voice.
 Mystic. Radical Gender activist.
 Self-destructive pain in the ass.

My Note: This is an extremely well written piece.  This descries our fears and coming to grip with who we are.  Thank your Stephanie.

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Years ago, I was an extra in Verdi’s opera, Aida. It is set in Egypt, and the male and female extras were required to line their eyes with black eyeliner. So I am doing my eyes next to a man about my age, and he turns to me and says, “I have never put on makeup before. Am I gay now?”

I replied: “Do you like to go home and have sex with your wife? Are you having sex with men”?

Wearing makeup will not make you gay. But, worrying about it, that’s the patriarchy we live in.

Last weekend my best friend and I went to a ‘ghouls night out,’ a dance for transgender and gender non-conforming folks. In the end, we were the only two out, full-time transgender women there. The people were friendly, but it was not my crowd. As a writer, I took it as an opportunity to learn more about the cross-dressing community since I have been ‘out of the loop.’

For many attendees, it was their one and only chance to get out and dressed in feminine attire all year. In my 20s, I lived on my own in the big city. For me, Halloween was the cross-dresser’s “Holy day of obligation.” It was the chance to walk out the door in a dress and not be asked what I was wearing. Or maybe at least it lowered the possibility that I would be harassed. It was one night of relative safety.

I spoke to the sponsor of the event, Scarlett T., about the main motivation of these folks to attend a function like this, and she said: “ It’s not about finding community or making connections.”

“It’s about finding a safe place to express their femininity.”

Can you imagine living your life and worrying so much about expressing your truth because you don’t have a safe place to do so?

The masculine culture is so fragile. Many men have been raised to see the slightest bit of femininity as abhorrent. Men police themselves; men police other men for any violations of 100% guy. Long before I came out, I posted on Facebook that I bake cookies with my kids, and some bro replied, “that’s because I was gay.” Seriously? If connecting with your kids meant I was queer, I was happy to accept that label. Queer me up, baby. The grip of the patriarchy is painfully tenuous and so so desperately tight.

I have known crossdressers who kept it all completely under wraps for decades. Separating from their male lives, they rented a storage unit, dressed only on business trips and in hotel rooms, and kept it out of sight from their spouse and family. It’s clean and compartmentalized. You live one life here; you live a different life there. And yet, I know many who would have transitioned if there was/is greater social acceptance.

The LGBTQ community is not exactly the most welcoming place. Some folks fit into the norms of what’s acceptable, but there are a lot of folks who are not exactly welcomed with open arms. The cross-dressing community is one of those groups. As the acceptability of being transgender has risen, crossdressing has become more marginalized. As attacks on trans folks have increased, there has been the tendency to say, “I am not a pervert; I identify as a woman.”

Staying in the closet is a painfully easy way to go.

I know being in the closet hurts. How could it not? How could you not feel conflicted when part of you stays in a box, and you dust it off once a year? It made me crazy. It made me suicidal.

I understand there’s an appeal to keeping your male privilege, male friends, beautiful spouse, secure job, and standing as a respectable community member. Why give those things up? Why walk away from all that? These men can still go to the bar with their friends, hear homophobic jokes, and go on hunting and fishing trips with the guys. Their father-in-law, employers, clients, bosses, and sometimes even their spouses think they are just regular guys.

And the fact of the matter is, they are just regular guys.

The question is: could society ever see them as such?

Right here on Medium, I recently was called a “gender non-conforming male” by a lovely anonymous TERF. Now, I think crossdressers are gender non-conforming males. When you give up your male card and live out and visible in the world, you become something entirely different. Ask those employers who refused to hire me. Tell it to the people who refused to rent to me. Tell it to the divorce court judge. It’s not the same.

And yet, I would never go back into that luxuriously appointed closet I came out of. And I sympathize with those who must abide by the rigid constructs of masculine society and constantly prove that they are man enough. It’s a shame that cross-dressing is as stigmatized as ever.

If I could add a short P.S.

I realize that it is toxic attitudes from both cis males and females that keep people in the closet. Don’t tell me that there aren’t women who prefer that their partners stay in the closet out of shame, discomfort, and embarrassment to be married to that…

Political Cartoons 6-1-2025

 

Do not miss your opportunity:  "National Wear A Dress Day"!

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