Being Misgendered

The most troubling part of this scenario is when we are out, presenting female, because of hate, contempt or ignorance we are purposely misgendered. The best approach is to avoid confrontation.  

However, I live another side of that scenario. Otherwise when I try to present male, I am many times recognized / accepted as female. Had my transition been more intentional this would be the best of a world I created.  

I have been reading a wonderful Fictionmania story about a protagonist that accepted a job that gradually became female centric, through dress and role. It is "From Supervisor to Secretary" by ColeComet. 

The descriptions have been electrifying, especially one where the character confronts the fact she is now being perceived female. My story closely parallels her writing. I hope the author does not mind that I have adapted this part of the story to my true life. Enjoy and I welcome your comments. 

 ____________  

 Art Imitating Life or Life Imitating Art  

I could no longer pretend the misidentifications were rare.

They had started as isolated, almost comic errors. Someone would ask "what can I get you ladies" when a waitress would go to take my group's order. Walking on a crowded street hearing "excuse me, miss" as they tried to pass. A barista defaulting to "ma'am" while reading the name on the cup. A delivery driver glancing up from the package and asking a polite "is he's in?" 

Early on I answered quickly, sometimes with a short laugh to take the edge off. "It's Tom, actually." Or simply, "He." Most are embarrassed, apologized, and then move on. I always felt guilty for calling out a innocent and unintentional mistake.

The exchanges were awkward but manageable for me but sometimes made my accompting guests or kids uncomfortable. My daughter said to me once in frustration, “Just own it.”

As the obvious bras, the fitted blouses / sweaters and the makeup routines had become ordinary to me, the mistakes had thickened into a pattern. In department stores. In the supermarket queue. At the pharmacy. Questioned to the extent of once being challenged when called from the waiting room of my doctors office; "may I see your ID?"

The glance landed on the chest contour, shapely legs, the longer hair framing a softer face, the overall silhouette. Items of dress I describe on this blog as "Feminine Differentials". Yes, I am personally pleased that the language followed automatically: miss, ma'am, she, her. Sometimes it came with a small, polite smile. Sometimes it was purely transactional. Either way, it arrives with the calm certainty of someone reading an obvious visual fact.

Years ago, I corrected misgendering, especially when I was not overtly feminine. Then the frequency increase and I ask myself, “were the onlookers seeing something I was denying.”

After a while the cost-benefit calculations shifted. Correcting every instance meant repeatedly announcing a discrepancy between how I looked and how I was asking to be read. Letting it pass meant the moment ended in two seconds and both of us continued with our day. So I have stopped.

Not with a formal decision. Just a gradual extinction of the reflex. A "thanks, miss" from a shop assistant earned a nod. A "she was ahead of you" from someone in a queue earned silence. A "ma'am, your total" earned the card already extended. The words landed, registered, and slid past without the old flare of correction. In their place a quieter, stranger sensation settled: expectation. I began to anticipate the error before it happened.

When a stranger's eyes moved across me in public I could almost feel the linguistic slot they were about to drop me into. When the word arrived, it no longer surprised me. It simply confirmed the prediction. The rationalisation kept pace with the adaptation, the way it always did. The polite course was to stop making every public interaction into a small gender seminar. Lower the friction. Lower the stress. Accept their reality. 

The fact that I no longer flinched, no longer corrected, no longer even felt a strong impulse to correct, was simply efficiency.

The fact that the words had begun to feel ordinary rather than jarring was simply habituation. The fact that part of me had started to register a "miss" or "ma'am" as the expected soundtrack of moving through life.  

My thought: Was this not, what I wanted?

___________________

Thank you ColdComet for helping me describe the wonderful world I find myself unintentionally living.  

I Refuse To Be Unhappy ...

I am finding it takes effort. 

 

Vance: "Vote for the People Who have Solutions...

"Don't Vote For the people Who Made The Problem"  

Vote for 

Vice President Vance: "So vote for the people who have solutions to lower the cost of gas. Don't vote for the people who made the problem to begin with."

Best Democratic ad of the election.

Why Did We...

 

Outfit Formula 101

 

HS Reunion - Part 3

 

The Photo Wall and Hallowed Halls...

Through some stroke of luck, all of our senior High School vintage yearbook photo collages have been preserved. We had been told some years back  that they were to be moved (likely destroyed). Our class put up an organized effort and they were saved. Our year is front-and-center as you enter through the student / bus entrance.  

I am sure all of the JR High kids now wonder who are all these old people.  We do too.  

Tommy

This must have been a huge effort, first collecting / organizing the photos and then, back before computers, physically pasting in all of the yearbook photos one by one. The spacing is perfect. All photos are alphabetical with each name in black ink calligraphy. I believe our Shop / Drafting teacher was instrumental in the effort.  Thank you Mr. Harrison for this lasting memory. 

Going back was the only way to see the photos. The collage was completed during the summer after our graduation and hung in the fall. So today, may have been the first time some saw it.   

Seeing photos of classmates no longer with us, is moving. For us returning class mates, what a treasure. 

That day it did not take much effort to close one's eyes and remember. Feel and hear the noise of this group between classes moving through the halls - 60 years ago.  

HS Reunion - Part 2

Memories Friendship Pride

Part 1 photo here: 

Above all else I want to thank the incredible class of ‘66. Somehow through the efforts of several very dedicated and persistent classmates, they have kept connections open for 60 years.  No small task. Notifying us of gatherings, losses, accidents and accomplishments. You know who you are. Thank you. I am so proud to be a part of an inclusive and accepting group of special men and women. 

I am going to add a little more color commentary to my recent HS Reunion weekend.

Touring the "Old" High School
A collage of our yearbook photos In the background

 

First,  I was well known among my classmates, through sports and school activities so attending this time was a sure happening. In school I did not seek popularity. Being a country kid I never run with the cool kids. However, I was included and liked. I ask a reunion attendee how was I perceived? She said, “We all knew you were smart”. Something I did not see in myself until much later in life.

This was my third escape reunion, so there was no longer any confusion to me being “Tommy” the girl now. 

On a personal note there was a validating interchange with a wife of a classmate. She  innocently made my weekend. I will set the stage with an old joke:

There was a gathering of comedians where jokes were shared. Being most had at one time or another heard all the jokes, the jokes were given numbers. Someone would stand, call out a number and all would chuckle, recalling both the story and punchline. One comedian stood, call a number and mild laugh occurred. Except for one, who roared with laughter. Someone ask, what was that?  Another participant leaned in and whispered, “He had never heard that one”. 

Like I said, by now I was old news (or joke). Almost all at the reunion knew of me now being a girl and I was just accepted as one of the group. No big deal. One classmate’s wife had not been clued in yet. While touring our old school, she leaned in and ask, “I bet you were a cheerleader.”  I laughed and said, “I was the middle line-backer with your husband on the football team”. The realization finally hit. For the rest of the afternoon, we were fast friends with her asking many questions. The one person in the room that had not caught the joke. 

Attending a Cocktail reception Thursday
The main entrance at my resort hotel. 

Other than that, the event was typical for what anyone would expect. Acceptance and just being one of the classmates. I tried to interact with many that I had not seen in years. My motivation, since our last reunion we have lost classmates and one could easily observe that time was taking it's toll. A former girlfriend was not there; cancer. Our senior class president attempted to speak, and it was evident that short-term memory was ebbing. He barely finish his planned speech.

We were told that many did not attend because of health issues. One had broken her hip a few days before the reunion. A reunion committee member had passed away just the week before; we honored him that evening.  Several that I talked with spoke of having debilitating conditions.

Maybe you should never go home. Although I went each time with the purpose of making sure a transgender person is not remembered like the news portrays us; just one of “y’all” as they say in Virginia.

These are my thoughts on being there and this being maybe our last get-together. For me a wonderful escape weekend. Many thanks to the Reunion Committee.  Great job! 

Pride, appreciation, acceptance and a memory rich time defined the weekend. I only hope Tommy is fondly remembered, by all.  

Our Dinner Party Saturday Night

Why Not 5

 

A Great Fall Look

Political Cartoons 10-11-2026

 

My Day As....

 

Holiday Working / Retail

Card Shopping

I love working during the holidays. Nothing epitomizes the season better than retail. 

Most customers are purchasing gifts, and there is far less mission shopping.  The customer, in general, seem happy and where I worked many of the purchase were self-gifts; lingerie. 

Although there would be the brave men that would drop in. We carried a few "trashy" items that when purchased by husbands, would surely be returned. "Would you like a gift receipt", was always the ask. 

I have not worked since January and got a text from a former workmate, to check out working at a mall gift/card store with her. She was always fun to work with. The store is beautiful and holiday / gift centric.

There were parts of working at the lingerie store that were difficult. You would fit a customer and arguments would pursue with them insisting they were smaller/larger. At times leaving with an ill-fitting bra.  If that is what the customer wanted...       

I have gone through orientation at the card store and this time only part-time / oncall / a few days a week. Eight hour days on my feet are not what my Doctor though best. As the holidays get close I am sure I will be busy. Busy is good thing because it makes the time go fast. 

Many stores are desperate for help. So why not give it a try. The socialization is a fun "ESCAPE".  

 My new store is directly across from previous Soma store

________________

Personal note: On the 20 million views - I would like to thank the two that acknowledged the accomplishment and effort.  

My Blog - 20 Million Views

 

The "Because I Love Being A Girl" was my first post. I still feel the same. It was July 16, 2015, and 11 years later, 20 million views has happened. When I first put up that post, I was not sure there would be more. Now 4,121 post later, it has been so helpful for me to express myself and maybe helpful to you, my readers.  

Most importantly, I hope you have been motivated to "ESCAPE". 

Thank you my loyal readers for the comments, support and encouragement.  

Photo From Reunion Dinner / Party

 Much more to come...

A Happy Girl 

This was from the Reunion Dinner Saturday Night.  About 120 in attendance and 88 casemates. 

I did the whole drive back in one shot; almost 13 hours on the road. I hit some really bad driving through a huge rain storm north of Jacksonville that added almost another hour.    

Over the next few day I will post more photos and relate how much fun Tommy had, "being accepted".  A girlfriend took this photo. Thank you so much MJ for sharing it.   

Stay tuned - Maybe even a ghost story...

Femininity Is Different Now...

 

60th High School Reunion

 I Will Not Be Invisible!

Coming up the first weekend in October is my 60th High School Reunion. We are calling it:

60 Years later, Together Again, One Last Time - Maybe...

This is not my first reunion outing as Rhonda, having attended several before. My High School was a central high school located in a rural county with a fairly large graduation class of over 200. Amazingly we have kept reunions going, now with a dwelling group with this maybe the last.  

Photo from our last 
"75th Birthday Reunion"

I, as Rhonda, "Tommy" as everyone knows me, have been treated as any other classmate; no drama, no embarrassment. Attending I see as an opportunity to be visible to a group that might not ever see or meet another transgender person. There have been good conversation and even the unexpected / appreciated hugs.   

There are several events leading up to a big party at the local country club Saturday evening. There is a cocktail reception on Thursday evening for the early arrivals, a meet-and-greet at a local restaurant Friday evening and the big party Saturday. One event I am so looking forward to is a tour of our, still there, High School (now a junior high school); memories.

What to wear is always the delima. Although casual is listed as the dress of the evening, I do have a standard now to maintain.  I am thinking the above dress with accessories. If ever a time to wear the Rolex and diamonds, now is it. I am still working on the other outfits. 

Being back in my old hometown is always a rich memory and emotional experience. One new addition in town is a Saturday, Farmers Market. I am hoping for a cool morning, sweater weather to attend. If cool, that will be a break for my Florida, still summer.    

I may post other outfits as the time gets closer and I start to pack. I am so looking forward to my time walking this memory lane.

Promise, I will post photos of the events.  If ever you have the opportunity to attend your reunion, do not hesitate. Be visible! 

Here is a blog post from my first "Rhonda" 50th reunion, 10 years ago. 

Jeans With Heels Are Back

 I never knew they went away!

Story by Tatjana Freund
Sep 9, 2026

Here’s how we’re wearing them now...

It’s a fact that some of the best fashion trends come from unexpected combinations, like cropped jackets and trench coats, wedges and sneakers, or acid wash jeans and 2026. But from these pairings, we’ve gotten some unexpected wins. It seems that the latest combo that we can’t get enough of comes from merging our capsule closet and black-tie favorites: jeans and heels.

It might feel unnatural to pair your favorite baggy denim with your go-to stilettos, but there are plenty of ways to style this look without feeling overdone—or, conversely, underdressed. This spring, we’re seeing a multitude of ways to put these two staples together, whether you want to just catch a glimpse of a pointed-toe emerging from beneath a hemline or you want to wear your steepest heels with your most comfortable jeans. To give you some ideas, we found five undoubtedly cool ways to style jeans and heels together.

Stilettos might feel like red carpet-only footwear, but with the right pairing, they can be your new go-to for every event. To pull off high heels without feeling overdressed, pair them with wardrobe staples like dark-wash jeans to help mellow out the look. But if you want to keep some pizazz, opt for bold accessories and prints, like jewel-toned blues and leopard, so you don’t veer too far into the “everyday” category.

Stilettos might feel like red carpet-only footwear, but with the right pairing, they can be your new go-to for every event. To pull off high heels without feeling overdressed, pair them with wardrobe staples like dark-wash jeans to help mellow out the look. But if you want to keep some pizazz, opt for bold accessories and prints, like jewel-toned blues and leopard, so you don’t veer too far into the “everyday” category.

With the resurgence of pointed-toe heels, there’s nothing more satisfying than seeing the tips of your shoes peep out from beneath your hem. While you won’t get the full effect of seeing your favorite pair of slingbacks, this does add a chic element to even the most standard outfits. Of course, if you do want to attract extra attention, a pair of jeans with funky detailing or a bold pair of ’70s-inspired sunglasses do the trick.

Unapologetically

 

How to...

Become An Elegant Lady

Elegance isn’t about wealth, trends, or trying to impress others—it’s about cultivating grace, refinement, and confidence in how you live, present yourself, and interact with the world. Becoming an elegant lady is a journey of self-awareness and intentional habits that influence everything from posture and wardrobe to how you speak and treat others.

Here are detailed, practical ways to embody elegance every day:

Read all 10 - I especially like #10.

10. Live with Intention

At its core, elegance is about intentional living. This means slowing down, choosing quality over quantity, and aligning your daily habits with the values you hold dear. Make time for rituals: preparing tea properly, writing in a journal, lighting a candle at dinner, or enjoying a walk in nature. These simple, intentional choices transform ordinary routines into elegant experiences.

When you live with intention, people notice your presence. You become someone who moves with purpose rather than drifting aimlessly—and that’s the essence of true elegance.

Final Thoughts

Becoming an elegant lady is not about perfection, wealth, or appearances—it’s about cultivating habits of grace, refinement, and purpose. It’s in how you carry yourself, how you speak, how you dress, and how you treat others. Elegance is a lifestyle, not a costume—it grows with practice, consistency, and mindfulness.

When you embody elegance, you not only elevate yourself but also inspire those around you. It’s a quiet power, a timeless quality, and a way of life that never goes out of style.

There comes a season

 

Political Cartoon 9-20-2026

 

Fill Your Life...

 

A Casual Nautical Look

 This and other stripe T-shirts are everywhere.  A look that never goes out of style; season-to-season. My favorite is in a bit more of scoop neck. However, it is flattering in almost all styles.  Blue or white strip are equally a great look. 

High rise and wide leg jeans are everywher this season.  

Simular pants are Amazon's Wide Leg Pants for Women Business Casual Sailor Dress Pants. 

The jeans that I have are at least a decade old from Raplh Lauren and I have the a matching jeans skirt.  See, style do come back.

Either the nautical skirt or jeans would look great with this Lauren (this season) graphic tee.   

Can we meet you at your yatch?  

Anything You Can Do...

 

Glad You...

 

Do men wear bras?

 

Dorna Loone

 · 

Follow

Long time bra wearing experience

A bra is primarily a function garment (even if the Victoria's Secret shows and ads might give the impression their main purpose is to be alluring). A Bra supports the breasts and distributes their weight to other areas such as shoulder or the neck. Each breast weighs on average 1.1 Kg so you can imagine what it feel like to have 2 blocks of a kilogram each attached to your torso 24/7! Thus the primary function of the bra is to support the breasts and prevent discomfort.

Now some men have excess fatty tissue on their chest which is very similar to breasts - it is colloquially called man-boobs and is actually a medical condition called gynecomastia. Some studies say it affects almost half the male population to some extent - it is often caused by hormonal issues. Just as in females, this excess weight can get very painful and lead to discomfort in other areas like the neck.

In such a situation it is not only ok but advisable for the guy to wear a bra. This is a physiological situation that would ask for a man to wear a bra.

In addition, there are other situations like men who who identify psychologically as females and feel locked in a male body - they often wear bras (concealed) as it allows them to connect with their real self and provide relief from the stress of not being themselves.

_________________

I am going to give this bra a try.  Like I need another bra? Amazon: COCOMARTS Jelly Bras for Women No Underwire Scalloped Wireless Push Up Bra. I like the look and will let you know how the "gel pads provide support and a "no bra" feel.  

Worrying About Age...

 

Never Forget - 25 Years

 

They Want Us to Dissapear

 Megyn Kelly Reveals Disgusting New Strategy For Describing Trans People

By Ron Dicker

Sep 9, 2026,

The right-wing commentator made the extreme declaration on her show.

Conservative chat host Megyn Kelly said Tuesday she will no longer use the term “trans” because it’s “fiction” ― and revealed she’ll use “gender-confused” as a substitute.

Kelly spewed her regressive take in a conversation with Victor Davis Hanson on “The Megyn Kelly Show.”

By the way, I want to say I’m done using the term trans. Done,” Kelly declared. “I will say someone is gender-confused, sometimes they genuinely are, sometimes they’re faking it, but there’s no such thing as trans. That’s not a thing. You can’t transition your gender. We’ve been engaging in this fiction for too long.”

It wasn’t so long ago that Kelly appeared to support the transgender community.

Mediaite cited a 2018 episode of NBC’s “Today” when the former Fox News personality hosted a segment about support and acceptance for “transgender kids.”

“The people on stage with me are all transgender kids who want others to know it is possible to transition socially with love and support and acceptance within a family and a community,” she said.

Of course things changed.

She recently used the transphobic slur “trannies” and criticized a trans character on “The Pitt” while scoffing at a scene in which a medical worker apologizes for the misgendering on her chart.

She has also spoken out against transgender women in sports.

_______________

My Note: If we are not visable, they have succeesded in turning us invisable.  Do not let hate win!

Remembering Those Who Labored on Labor Day...

 

Sixteen Tons Song by Tennessee Ernie Ford

It not all hotdogs, hambergers. Let's honor all that built America into being what it is today. Let's work to save it for our children. 

DO...

 

I Cannot Apologize...

 So True!

I am facing a family issue that is exactly this.  After all the years of passive acceptance I am facing a life-changing issue. After encouraging you to be brave and face obstacles, I now face a passive aggressive ultimatums.

I will not be a hypocrite and say one thing and then turn and be forced to do another. The untimate cost may be massive.  

Being transgender is difficult for us to justify and more difficult for family, long term, to accept and tolerate.

 

Please be patient. I may take a few days off writing while this gets sorted out.  

White Pazallo Pants

 Wearing white well!

'I just want to see the person I always saw in my head'

The Story of a Face: How a trans woman found the surgery that could restore her sense of self

By Jenny Kleeman
Nover 2020

Sophia Drake

When the children at Sophia Drake’s primary school in rural Wales used to talk about what superpower they’d like, she always told them she wanted to be a shapeshifter. “But I didn’t want to be an animal. I didn’t want to be Spider-Man or Muhammad Ali, I just wanted to change into a woman.”

Drake was born biologically male. For as long as she can remember, she felt different and uncomfortable, and experimented with whatever identities and fads she could in an effort to belong. Video games saved her. When she discovered them as a child, she found she could get lost in a world where she could embody any character she liked. “They took me to places where I didn’t have all those issues and problems; I wasn’t this confused child, I could pick who I wanted to be,” she told me.

While she was growing up, Drake didn’t really know what transgender was, aside from something everyone laughed about in the playground when Nadia was on Big Brother or Chandler’s dad was on Friends. Her experiments with makeup and cross-dressing were always secret. When she left home for university, she developed an eating disorder and lost half her body weight in a year. Controlling her food intake fed the fantasy that she could finally shapeshift, after all. “It made me feel like I had power, for the first time in my life.” In 2016, she married her girlfriend, hoping the discomfort would somehow go away. It never did.

“Outwardly I was this confused, shy, reserved young adult. But internally, the person I wanted to be was very different.” She found that internal person impossible to suppress. “That was natural, that was innate, that was me. This,” – she splayed her palms across her face – “that people saw, was the mask. I didn’t want to live as a fake person.”

After she got divorced, in early 2018, Drake, now working in the games industry, was determined to transition as quickly as she could. She devoured whatever information she could find on Reddit pages such as asktransgender, transgenderuk and transtimelines, and specialist forums for trans women such as Susan’s Place. The nearest NHS gender identity clinic told her they had a two-year waiting list for an appointment. “Some people are on the waiting list for four years,” she said. “That’s a long time to ask someone to put their life on pause. The point where you get the referral – it’s taken you years, often, to get to that point.”

The same year, she found the online, private GenderGP service, and had some consultations via Skype with doctors who prescribed her hormone replacement therapy. She pays about £50 a month for her hormone treatment, and will need to continue with it for the rest of her life.

Read More...

Facial surgery was only one step in a long journey for Drake. “Things will tighten up, obviously the scar will slowly reduce over time. We won’t see the full effects until next year,” she said. But the authentic Sophia Drake she is looking for in the mirror is still several procedures away. “On my face, I’m 75% there. I still have things I want to do on my body.” She nodded. “I’m planning other surgeries.”

Renée Richards Faults Herself

Finding Renée Richards

Renée Richards

A new biography published last  week, “Finding Renée Richards: The Groundbreaking Story of Tennis’s Trans Pioneer,” by the trans and nonbinary sportswriter Julie Kliegman, chronicles the challenges and contradictions of Richards’s life and career. 

Richards won acceptance in part because she was seen as a “one-off,” Kliegman said in an interview.

_______________

CNN: In 1977, Dr. Renée Richards — a well-regarded ophthalmologist who’d spent most of her life as a very good amateur tennis player — sued for her right to play in the US Open.

Richards had played some competitions locally and throughout the country. She had the backing of tennis great Billie Jean King. And she had a tricky left-handed serve.

But Richards was a transgender woman, the first in the sport. Some tournaments allowed her to play, and opponents dropped out in protest. Others, like the Italian Open, accepted her at first only to change their minds days before the tournament’s start. And the US Open barred her completely.

...

Think of the fact that I was born with this problem of whether I was a boy or a girl, that I was born a transgender, and what a curse that is on the person and the population. Think of how difficult it is for somebody to be transgender. I’m asking for the country to sit back for a minute and feel sorry for this little, tiny unfortunate community. It may have led to a pretty interesting life, but I would trade in a nanosecond my existence as a transgender for one who wasn’t.

It’s very difficult, and it is almost life-ending for some.

I’m on the most fortunate side of this small group. It’s a curse. I don’t want them to look at my life — where I’m comfortable and enjoying my life even into my 90s — and say that I represent what is the norm for transgenders. I don’t. I represent the abnorm. Because I’ve been able to survive, and I’ve been relatively calm and enjoying life into my elder years. That’s not the case for the majority of transgenders.