Being

Ten Years in Retrospect...

Definition Being: 

The nature or essence of a person. (Oxford Language) Also indicates that the “existence” of some situation is ongoing. 

My very first post, ten years ago, contained only the graphic and phrase, "I love being a girl." Very prophetic for someone who was just starting to escape on a regular/daily basis; still very much living in two worlds.  

Clandestine escapes were still part of my MO. Hiding a truth from others in the same manner I was hiding the same truth from myself.   

Over the millenniums many terms have been used to describe those who are gender variant; i.e. transgender, crossdresser, non-binary,  gender non-conforming (English), two-spirit, Hijra (India Pakistan), Calalai, Calabai, and Bissu (Bugis society in Sulawesi, Indonesia) and many more across the globe.  A universal concept. The words (nouns) describe a nature of being.  

For many years, when ask, I described myself as "just a crossdresser". When I was actually giving a descriptive name to my act of "Being a Girl". To start, there were short trips into the land of femininity that became extended stays with employment. Now residency.  

In the past 10 years have I undergone a M-to-F transition? I don't see it that way. The "essence of  my person" has not changed; only the daily outward appearances. Sometimes this is manifest with clothing of a complete feminine differential. Other times not so much. No matter how I am dressed my nature is still within me. 

I have long white hair that I wear in a ponytail.  

All of the jeans I own are cut in some feminine way. I own many t-shirts that are either scoop, V-neck or graphic. I had to dig, a few weeks ago, to find non-feminine underwear for a Doctor's visit. There are lots of panties (mostly Soma) in varying styles and colors. With makeup / no-makeup, the honorific (a title or word implying or expressing status) "Ma'am", is spoken almost exclusively. 

When I described myself as a crossdresser, It is easy to get caught up in the performance aspect of the clothing, makeup, high heels etc. As I look back, the act of crossdressing and going out was only done to validate the essence of the femininity. "I Loved Being a Girl!"   

Ten years of writing, blogging, has taught me a lot. At my age and status, I am looking for simplicity. Absolutes are far less absolute. The universe is allowing me to "be" and I wish the same for you. 

Full-time. Part-Time. Occasionally. Let's understand that the "Escape" terminology is irrelevant. It is time we stop deceiving ourselves. Why do we do what we do?  Simple: "We love being a girl."