About Me

I have spent a significant amount of your life questioning my gender identity and do not fit into the binary male/female continuum.  I view this same, as I am right handed, blue eyed, and dyslexic.  I have not made it an issue.  

As an umbrella term, the word transgender refers to those whose sense of their gender differs from what is expected based on the sex characteristics with which they are born.  The transgender stereotype, at least in mainstream culture, is a person who identifies, as the “other” gender will permanently switch from a masculine appearance to a feminine one, or vice versa.  That narrative has grown increasingly familiar in recent years.

Born in the wrong body is how some transgender or gender variant individuals might describe themselves.  Nevertheless, which body is wrong for me?  Neither.  I am not confined or conflicted and comfortable as both. 

To be forthcoming at this time in my life I consider myself to be female having worked as female for the last eight years.  Also having a female gender identity for the last 30 years.  I am in principle, gender nonconforming/gender fluid.  I have learned that a full understanding can be both deceptively simple and extraordinarily complicated at the same time.  Popeye said it best – I am what I am.

Very young, I remember having dolls; kitchen sets and staging elaborate tea parties for my dolls.  I remember my mother having beautiful shoes and at every opportunity, I would play dress up in her chiffon silk dresses and heels.   Oh, it felt delightful and the joy came from within.   I would dream about growing up to be a woman of substance like my grandmother.  OH, but I also remember my back yard sand box.  There I had trucks, tractors and miniature road building equipment.  Hours on end, I would built roads, bridges and move my tiny trucks back and forth.  The dirtier I got, the happier I became.  My career choice became engineering. 

No reinvention needed.  Today, as when I was playing with doll and building roads I am only one gender at a time.  Please understand that l am not a feminine male or a masculine female and androgynous does not fit either.  I am never pretending and as the moment prescribes, I identify as being exactly what I present myself to be. 

I am both genders psychologically and always have been. I take both roles seriously, being the best person that I can be.  I am an individual who can be more or less masculine and more or less feminine as my frame of mind and circumstances allow.  I think that is true of everyone, but a few, like myself, exhibit this greater prerequisite and range.  In computer terms - my operating system is flexible. 

In our culture, the typical norm is sex = gender = sexual orientation. When one is young and realizes their sense of self does not fit the norm, they often go into denial and then hiding.  Younger, I found ways to (over) compensate and keep my "secret".  The fear of not belonging and abandonment overshadow my inner need to be authentic. However, for most, the hiding cannot last forever.  Your gender identity and need for expression, is just there – a part of you. I absolutely love this comment on expressing oneself: "My blog is because of my legitimate struggle against the fashion stereotypes and, implicitly, against the mandatory regime regarding the gender division of people: ‘that is masculine, the other is feminine and you cannot mix them.

I had nothing to do with creating this gender incongruity and I accept the fact it is a permanent characteristic.  My life is now “out to the world” so I had no alternative but to own it.
I have often said that being transgender is the most confused, conflicted, and distracting, yet most amazing journey I could ever imagine.  I have also learned much about myself along the way.  I began to realize that the joy of living is about being proud of what I am.  I am unapologetic and cognizant that nothing up to this point preclude me from bring vibrant, attractive and self-confident.  It is all about accepting myself and daring to live and experience life to the full.  It is about looking my best, being my best and going out and exuding the class and confidence that the world expects from any woman.