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| Proud - Getting out in 2002 |
I am going to address a touchy subject and dare to ask: "What is the problem with the transgender label and being proud to be transgender?" Many see the term transgender as problematic simply because it is a label. Nonacceptance can run deep.
If your feminine identity has a name, ventures out in the general population, socially interacts, has friends and has an outside activity level - Are you still just a cross-dresser?
From the first time ever I put on a piece of the opposite
gender’s clothing, I assumed I was a
cross-dresser although too young to understand that the behavior had a name. I knew it to be temporary, aberrant but repeatable. My motivation: I enjoyed it, despite the guilt. I was entranced by the feminine feelings and image.
Later, I justified my actions by telling myself it was just an activity (cross-dressing). It was
a private and secret action. There was no need for anyone else to know. It ran no deeper than the occasional trip down Feminine Lane.
Denial ran deep and I saw my action of cross-dressing
as a non-shareable, private aspect of my life; something I loved and hated. I internalized that if anyone knew I would no longer be respected or loved. In spite of this self-loathing, I would
see a well-dressed woman and would try to visualize how that outfit would look. I would shop vicariously and the female
members of my family were provided beautiful gifts.
Then the ultimate challenge arrived. What would
I look like and what would it feel like to express this obscure aspect of myself? How would “she” look completely made up and tastefully
dressed? What would it feel like to be out? How would the world react? These thoughts
swirled but were always controlled and regulated by the rational argument that I was only cross-dressing.
Finally, I did escape using Halloween
as the opportune vehicle. It did not have to be Halloween - Arbor day would have worked just as well; it was time. My motivation was to express a component of my personality that had been denied/suppressed. Justification - This would be a one-time event.
In retrospect, I knew that this was not going to be a one-time event. The most important takeaway from that first outing, the female identity, yet unnamed, was not a costume. She longed for acceptance.
I believe
that once you cross the proverbial "threshold" and express your inner/second/real self (your designation), you cease
being just a cross-dresser. Your motivation is now a matter of expressing or making
known one's thoughts or feelings. Can you really deny the intrinsic female feelings and your need for expressing these feelings? Why else would you do it?
So look at what motivates you to be gender variant. Be honest - Are you still just cross-dressing?
I proudly embrace the label "TRANSGENDER". It makes me part of the LGBTQA group/family. As a group we can work together to foster understanding and enhance acceptance. My pride now makes me "not alone" in an activity that I once wanted to hide.
"We are only alright when we can be seen for who we are." Let me add to that quote, "... not just what we do."
Yes again! I really did not have a clue what to expect on last year's cruise. What became obvious very early; "Why did I wait so long to enjoy this ultimate escape". Traveling on the Allure of the Seas, (at that time the world's largest cruise ship) was at first intimidating; then one of the best ever vacations/holidays. 
So look at what motivates you to be gender variant. Be honest - Are you still just cross-dressing? 
