Dear Parents of America or Anywhere Else: As a gender-nonconforming person, I get a lot of attention — both wanted and unwanted — anytime I walk around in public.
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Jacob Tobia |
Dear Parents of America or Anywhere Else: As a gender-nonconforming person, I get a lot of attention — both wanted and unwanted — anytime I walk around in public.
t ranges from people laughing at me, verbally assaulting me, or taking my picture without my consent, to people stopping me mid-strut to exclaim “Oh my god, I love your outfit,” or inquiring “WHERE is that lipstick from?!?”
But one type of attention stands out above the rest: the attention of confused children. I first started noticing it when I moved to New York City at the age of 22.
Children would see me on the subway sporting my beard and lipstick and wouldn’t quite know how to react. They’d wear their confusion, marvel, or pleasant surprise at my gender expression blatantly on their sleeves. Children are anything but subtle about their interest when it is piqued.
I was reminded of this attention again the other weekend, when I traveled from Los Angeles to Florida for a queer conference at the Orlando Hilton resort.
Half of the hotel was filled with queers trying to learn how to better serve trans youth; the other half was filled with nuclear families who’d come to Orlando to meet Minnie and Elsa and Goofy at Disney World. It made for an interesting combination.
After my keynote speech, sporting a bold purple lip, swim trunks, and a bathrobe, I made my way to the hotel’s lazy river. That’s when I noticed the familiar eyes following me; the kids were back at it, blatantly staring at me to their heart’s content.
They’d never seen someone like me back home in Michigan or Spokane or Wichita. Some kids gawked quietly, others startled in fright, still others giggled in a curious, empathetic way.
But the most common reaction was that your children, upon noticing my gender expression, turned to you and exclaimed something like, “Mommy, that boy is wearing lipstick!” or “Look, Dad! Look at what he’s wearing!”
After your kids called your attention to my gender expression, you all did pretty much the same thing. You looked my way, made eye contact with me, became swiftly embarrassed yourselves, and told your kids that “It’s not nice to talk about strangers.”
Your kids, upon seeing your embarrassment at the situation, turned away, became embarrassed *themselves*, and, after a few minutes’ recovery from the shame of it all, resumed splashing around in the pool. This interaction played out dozens of times over the course of my weekend in Orlando.
So, parents, while it may be rude to talk about strangers, I’m gonna go ahead and give your kids a pass. I am fine with your children talking about me in public, as long as you’re willing to talk about me in public too.
The next time you see me standing on the subway in a pair of heels or strutting poolside in a purple lip and your child says something about it, I give you full permission to use me as a teaching opportunity.
Just be cool, alright? Is that really so much to ask?
Most young children have not acquired a filter and just blurt out what they feel. Or stare at what draws their attention. No social etiquette yet! It's the adult who ultimately shape their response to people who may appear different.
ReplyDeletethis one merits a lot of comments and I thought about it a while. bottom line is we should all be free to be whoever we want to be. but don't stand on the railroad tracks and be surprised when you get run over.The awful saying "it is what it is" applies. just like some of us girls who make no attempt to be feminine Sorry but to me this person is either totally unrealistic or a revels in abuse
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