Tuesday, March 20, 2018

Forever 45

Rhonda 1993 - Age 45

A lot changed in 1993. Some career rearrangement, marital changes, physical address, walked (ran) away from religion  and the least of which, was Rhonda’s emergence. Up until this point Rhonda had been only a trip out-of-town alter-ego.  Rhonda was destine to become a real embodiment.  Thus this "waz the Katy bar the door!” moment, as in the poem. This was the point of escape.  She started volunteering as a university outreach speaker, established a local support group and began enjoying real life experiences in her native environment.    

I have never looked back and certainly never regretted my actions. Yes, I could have acted more judiciously with many of my decisions and my lack of empathy did damage. Hopefully I have been forgiven. Sometimes there is not a “best practice” manual when one’s own mental state is at risk.  

It seems like a lifetime, however it was only 25 years ago. I was 45 at the time and wasted many years in self-denial. At issue - First: I thought that an existence was possible with my transgender nature relegated to being a hobby. Second: Sacrificing my own needs would be OK as long as I kept my sentiments secret. Both of these wrong assumptions are like a “soul infection”; that left untreated, will do much damage.

My emotional clock reset itself at the age of 45. Not unlike pivotal dates in history where everything is measured before/after. This was my personal reset. Yes I am older today (much older), maybe wiser and more compassionate. However, in many ways I will always be, "Forever 45". 

Don’t be surprised if you see additional posts discussing “Forever 45”.  What is your pivotal date – The date your “Escapes” became a reality.  Short, positive guest posts are always welcome.    

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