Thursday, May 9, 2019

Blurred (Gender) Lines

Here is a wonderful article written by a mom of an eight year old daughter. Just when you think the world if totally against even the slightest signs of gender incongruence, you see something that can warm the heart. This mom wrote an article "Blurred (Gender) Lines" on the blog Scary Mommy. I applaud the love and understanding she has for her child. 

I have cut out several paragraphs here and encourage you to read the whole article.


By: Claire Smith

I have a daughter. She is eight. I just want to repeat that for the record – she is EIGHT.

The thing is, my daughter is a tomboy. Not just a climbing trees, kicking a football around kind, but a 100% dedicated to EVERYTHING BOY kind.

From the minute she turned four, she refused to wear dresses. She joined Beavers when all her peers were joining Rainbows and her Christmas lists include skateboards, black skull duvet covers and Spiderman hoodies. She wears boys’ clothes, boys’ school uniform, boys’ shoes and tucks her long hair into a baseball cap. At our 10th wedding anniversary party, she wore a suit. Often, she wants to be called Sam or Ben. She doesn’t know Snow White or the Little Mermaid but some of her best friends are Batman characters.

I was confused because all around me I saw daughters with ribbons in their hair, wearing Cinderella dresses and playing with Barbies. Then there was my daughter dressed in army camouflage, her face painted as a demon and her skull ‘n’ cross bones wellies – constantly being mistaken for a boy.

Then something happened which gave me the slap round the face I so needed. I was discussing her with a friend who cut me off mid-sentence and said “Claire. I’m not having this conversation with you now. She’s eight and she’s happy. If she’s a teenager with real issues, then we’ll have this discussion.”

It was exactly what I needed to hear. In those few moments I realized that my daughter is very special, indeed. She is unbelievably happy in her own skin and as for having “issues with her self esteem” well, hey, – she knows exactly who she is. I needed to concentrate on her, forget what other people think and sort out my own mistakes.

After all, even if she does turn out to be gay or want a sex change or damn, well anything else – what does it matter? Isn’t it better for a child to be open about what they want and who they are than to spend years hiding it away? I honestly don’t care as long as she’s happy and I’ll be there for her, no matter what.


  1. If there were more Moms like this the world might just be a better and safer place

  2. I'd like to say that that was my mother, in a nutshell. No, my gender identity made my mother a nut Case! Of course, in her mind, it was I who was a psychological mess. What doesn't kill ya....