Wednesday, May 29, 2019

Boys My Age

I believe most all of us that fall somewhere under the transgender umbrella knew we were different. Early on, I was totally unaware that being transgender had a name and thinking I was all alone with these thoughts. Most importantly, I didn't having a clue as to how to cope.  

I just compartmentalized my transgender nature. Over the years I have been told story after story about harsh outcomes of being caught and being subjected to treatment "in all the wrong ways".  Kids being sent to what is called today, "aversion therapy"; or distraught parents trying to shame/beat this out of the confused child. I was so fortunate to come out of the formative early years unscathed. 

I am unaware of anyone in my era, whose parents allowed the son to explore his femininity. E.g. took him shopping, went to the prom, or spent the summer as a girl. Lovely as they are, these beautiful fantasy stories are just what they are - fantasy. If anything like that happened to you, please share. I am sure many would love to hear about your positive real-life cross gender experience as a child/teen.   

Back in the 1950's and 1960's, when I was growing up, sex was barely discussed in polite company. So the action of cross dressing would have been one of the ultimate taboos - except on Halloween. Then it was OK because it was a costume. Also the south prided itself on its "woman-less" weddings, and beauty contests.  Stana at Femulate has documented many of these.  

In my little southern town everyone talked about the assistant chief of our volunteer fire department and how beautiful a woman he made one Halloween. No one even knew who "that woman" was at our annual community party. It was the repeat performance the next year that really set tongues wagging. "You know, he was so much better looking than his wife."

Something deep inside made me feel a kinship with his actions although not wanting to admit to myself how much I would love to participate.  

Little by little, I started to understand that I was not alone. Then magic occurred - Puberty kicked in and I was off to the ball game with girls, thinking the cure had arrived.  Little did I know?


  1. Todays blog speaks on the many levels of problems of 'growing up different', and then having to endure 'being coerced into "normalness".

    I would propose a new, more inclusive definition of 'child abuse':

    "Whenever a child is not permitted to grow and develop in a natural, non coercive manner".

    Psychological, (psycho-social, and psycho-sexual) development takes place within each individual person at their own timely pace. To cause, (through parental, parochial, or pedagogical authorities shaming/coercing the child, ect..) the young person to repress their natural feelings of self only makes for a painful, confused and under productive life.
    Your mention of 'aversion therapy', as well as 'chastity pledges', et al.. have been documented to leave the person with feelings of anxiety and depression issues as well as repressed feelings of sexuality. I have often referred to this type of parental upbringing as 'management by SHAME, FLAME, and BLAME.
    Survivors of this type of abuse (me too!) in our earlier generation are many. All too often us older individuals grew up, as you mentioned, thinking we were 'the only one'. Now, any youngster with questions relating to self, having computer access could find out more in 5 minutes than the average person born in the '50's could learn in decades.
    For us survivors of needless, unwarranted feelings of neurotic shame, there are MANY 'self help' books written on 'Shame Based Behavior', notably by John Bradshaw, himself a survivor of 'induced self shame'.

    1. Velma - very insightful, Thank you for commenting.

  2. To reply to your comment of fantasy, I was fortunate to have a very supportive mother. One day, she came home early from an appointment and caught me in one of her bras! I expected big trouble,"wait till your father gets home" type of thing. However, she asked if I liked the feel and I said that I loved it. We went next day to the department store and purchased three of the prettiest, laciest bras we could find. I was in seventh heaven! We used rice and an old pair of stockings to make forms to fill them out. We made a deal that I would only wear my bra when Dad was away (he traveled a lot for work then). No shame, no lectures, no anger, just an understanding. To this day, I thank my Mom for accepting me as I was.

    1. Regina, Thank you so much for that. Great to know and we are all happy for you. Please write more.

  3. Quite an interesting read----I remember thinking I was alone in my "weird and wrong" desires at an early age also like so many of us...but like so many - i never had the nerve to talk to anyone about it---so -sneaking into mom's and my sisters things when i could left me feeling euphoric but tainted somehow--- the NEED to feel "not different" came into play often growing up as a "normal" guy and made me insensitive to others like myself when in a group norm belittling those we'd see like those I wanted to BE like!! many regrets now looking back at past possible outlets that could have made life less stressful--i do envy those who had a positive support growing up and the freedom to experience how it might have been----- BTW--- I'm ok now!! --LOVE reading this column of like minded individuals !! Thanks Rhonda !!!

  4. I found so many interesting stuff in your blog especially its discussion. From the tons of comments on your articles, I guess I am not the only one having all the enjoyment here! keep up the good work... Kinderschoenen

  5. I'm 65 and worn out doing my best to stand up and take it like a man! I have a story like everyone else but I'm tired of the subject at this stage. I'm still going around in circles. I need to stop talking and start walking. Help! I love being the woman I am at heart but I'm afraid my life will fall apart (again) if I transition or even venture out to live as a woman. Why do I think transitioning will be a negative experience? I love your stories, ladies. I love your courage to be who it is you are! Please, if you can, point me to where I can find some positive stories about transitioning - I need a new mindset on the subject! Peter Petra