Tuesday, November 3, 2015


The second definition for Ambassador applies to us: “A person who acts as a representative or promoter of a specified activity”.  Every time we step out, like it or not, we represent the transgender community and by extension the LGBT community.  There are those that like nothing better than to portray a trans women as male predators; Thus the absurd “bathroom bills” of the last state legislative sessions.  

Let's understand that gay marriage occurred because the general population move past negative thinking.  Celebrities like Ellen Degeneres, Lauren Cox, TV shows like Modern Family, Will and Grace, all contributed to positive images.  Every day people like Stana over at the Femulate blog describe going to work as female, shopping and interacting - all positive experiences.  Culture changed can occur.  

We have come a long way as we go into the post Caitlyn Jenner era.  However, as fences come down we need to do our part to make sure that we do not reinforce prejudices.  I was attending a transgender convention early this year and decided not to attend one of the event dinners, opting for a quiet meal in the hotel restaurant.  Also in the restaurant that evening, was a large table of other event attenders that had decided the same.  Luckily, the restaurant was not over crowded because that table, all very well dressed as females, proceeded to act out in what can only be described as the poorest of male behavior.  A loud football argument occurred between several.  One decided to take out her newly acquired breast forms and pass them around for comments.  Loud conversations punctuated with much drinking. 

I watched as several non-event diners, quickly ate and left.  It was not long before the restaurant had emptied out. From that point, they only embarrassed themselves.  

I hesitate to bring this up and there are times when we do not want to represent any cause.  We want to be ourselves, have fun and kick-up-our-heels.  There are times and places to do that. But remember when in public we are ambassadors – like it or not.  


  1. Just like it is hard to gauge the damage that the group of drinking loud trans* folks will create a bad impression on civilians I think that every time that someone like you or Stana or others, including myself, get out and about as a proper well behaved and attired femme person we spread good. I wrote Stana a note after her day at the office discussing the exponential impact that her day may have had. She encountered 75 co-worker civilians. Some of them may have been trans*, others may know a trans* person and most are likely to encounter a trans* person in the future and their interaction with Stana will help pave the way for greater understanding.

  2. It was a delight to read your salutary admonition. As an avid reader of message boards and blogs, it is rare for someone to actually be brave enough to be critical of our community. Perhaps because of the personal nature of this life, it is easy to become so self-centered, so self-absorbed that you become indifferent to the feelings of others. It's hard to read, "It's not all about you," but it is a valuable reminder. Thanks, Rhonda.

  3. Rhonda -

    I'd have been upset too. For me, going out and about as a trans person requires that I err on the side of femininity at all times. Even if talking about the quality of breast forms, no cisgender female (in public) would pull out her form and show it around. It would be just as jarring as if she took off her blouse and bra, and exposed her breasts for viewing.

    Sadly, this is one reason why I'm careful about being with M2F trans women - if they act demurely, they have learned a lot about what it is like to be female. But if not, they have taken what's bad about being male and made a mockery of being female - and no women should accept the insult to their basic nature. I'm far from perfect, but I know NOT to act in anything but the most lady like manner when presenting as a female, and expect other M2F trans people to do the same....