Tuesday, September 25, 2018

Comfortable As Female - An Interesting Concept

Do you feel more comfortable when wearing men's clothes or women's clothes?

This was an interesting question I found on Quora a few days ago.  Here is the opening narrative:

Although I grew up wearing men’s clothing, to be honest, I was never especially comfortable wearing them. For the most part, I felt invisible in public.
I had a standard male “uniform” that I typically wore every day - jeans and a gray t-shirt with white tennis shoes. I dressed this way for school, shopping, walking in the park, and meeting with friends. On date nights, I’d wear something nicer but otherwise, it was just plain old jeans and a t-shirt.

I didn’t put much thought into what I was wearing in my younger days. I kept a dozen pairs of Lee jeans, Wranglers, and Levi’s - and a dozen gray t-shirts with a couple in navy blue. The only difference between one pair of jeans in my closet and another was the logo sewn onto the waistband. Other than that, the size and fit were all the same.

… Until I discovered what it felt like to wear women’s clothing.

That hit a nerve. Is it the dressing in women's clothing or is it being female? I find that I am more outgoing, comfortable, and have been told, more likable as female. And you all know how much I love fashion. 

The overall difference is presentation vs permission to be the person that you really are. "Fully embodied" comes to mind. 

'18 - Dinner in Palm Beach

Female clothing in general is not more physically comfortable. Many of the items are meant to be stylish/attractive rather than designed for comfort.  E.g. high heels. I have a sweater with a drape back that takes advance engineering skills to put on correctly and always requires extra time. Functionality was not part of its design. Despite the complexity and physical discomfort, I feel more at ease in women’s clothes. Why? Because it makes me feel like I’m being myself.

My birth gender caused me to carry along the burden of societal expectations of what a man should be. I do believe I was a good father, entrepreneur, successful business man and friend. However, always in the back of my mind was the looming question, "Am I living up to manly standards?" In that area I am not sure I succeeded.

It is not like something was wrong, but I always felt there were expectations that I could never quite meet. So I would retreat rather than confront; my typical modus operandi. As female I am liberated and complete.

So a question - is your transgender nature about the internal physique or is it about the clothing? I love the term transgender because it encompasses both aspects and allows us to have a common standing. My personal world is evolving and is not just about the clothing. It is much more complex.              

In the narrative above the writer went on to state that he "... fully transition from men’s to women’s garments". The post made no mention of being transgender.  Interesting question and outcome.   




  1. I am wearing today what I normally do: jeans, T shirt, hoodie (it's chilly this morning) and sneakers. These are the same sorts of clothes I wore most of the time when I was presenting and perceived as a man. I still feel feminine, though, and I believe my femininity is perceived by most everyone who sees me or with whom I interact. When the occasion calls for it, though, I enjoy dressing up and being more attractive than my day-to-day look may afford. I used to hate wearing a coat, tie, and big clunky men's dress shoes. I don't have any of those in my wardrobe anymore, but I have plenty of dresses and high heels. Basically, I think I feel more feminine getting dressed up just as most women do. That doesn't mean I don't feel feminine when sporting an androgynous look, however. The clothing I wear is secondary to my gender identity, but it is also an important part of my personal expression.

    I attempted to navigate life as a cross dresser for many years. My dysphoria kept telling me that I was not a cross dresser, though. I am not one to give in easily, and I fought the dysphoria for a very long (too long) time. It turned out not to be something I had to "give in" to; it was the conforming to what was expected of me as a man that I had given in to.

    When I used to cross dress, I did feel more comfortable - temporarily. Knowing it was like Cinderella and the movie, "Ground Hog Day," put together was not comforting at all. I just could not bear, any longer, running home at midnight, only to wake up and try to be a prince of a guy the next morning. Wash - rinse - repeat.

    I think it's the level of dysphoria one experiences that makes the difference.

  2. YUP! Fabulousconniedee, I am retired, age 64, wearing cutoff jeans shorts, t-shirt, Docksiders, and a green MACK TRUCKS ball cap. That is all that remains of my 'corporate uniform'. I do reserve one suit coat for 'family emergencies'.
    My first foray 'out'-- 'enfemme' was a warm Sunday afternoon in Feb, 2017. It was liberating. I usually 'femulate' at least once a week...
    Last weekend, I was complimented by a lady at a retail store for my nice -femmme- outfit. Until I spoke, she assumed I was a woman;(I am 6'-0", 210#). I love womens clothing, the texture, the colors, the cut and style variations, (quite ambivalent about mens clothing) and I love assembling an outfit from what is 'in my closet'; I do so in seconds, the idea just pops into my head, and the effort usually comes out great. Beyond clothing, I have 40+ wigs, and 30+ pairs of 'gurl glasses', (BTW,I cook by the same method.) After my weekly venture, I return to my house, refreshed, relaxed, less anxious and aware of 'my other self'. An 'other self' I am quite happy and amazed with. After a venture out, I am more empathetic, less egotistic, more caring, more attentive to others. NOT man traits.
    I have tried to explain my position at our monthly TS-TG support group meeting. I explain that 'this' is my 'altered state of consciousness' and it has been a revelation. I explain that I have no idea where this whole thing is going, as for now, I am not interested in transitioning, ect..
    Recently, while net searching, I happened upon a term I have really taken a shine to: "CROSSMOPOLITAN". There are few references to just HOW 'crossmopolitan' is defined. Because of the vague definition, I plan to usurp the term and declare my self as 'crossmopolitan', at least for now...
    Velma Dinkley

  3. Yes the way female clothing frees you from the male expectations and allows you to enter another realm is very good for the soul. I can relate a lot to Velma's experience of going out once a week en femme and how relaxing it feels and gets you refreshed and renewed as if you were dating an old friend.

  4. Very interesting reading. Like many who have read and who will read this, I too have been enjoying my feminine wardrobe and putting things together and going forth for an evening or a day. I am now retired and no longer have the travel opportunity to be as I desired but still mostly dress in a more feminine style than masculine style clothing. All the jeans and shorts and exercise clothes I have and wear are from the women or ladies departments. Many of my tops are too but they tend to not be quite as unisex. As others have said I too did not enjoy the male styles but certainly do enjoy the female styles. So much more to offer. I do enjoy my heels but alas do not get to wear them too often. Someday perhaps it will all be OK for anyone to wear about any style they are comfortable in. For now that is only the female prerogative. I will define myself as cross dresser for lack of a better explanation but I do like crossmopolitan too. Have a fantastic day, Hugs, Lisa

  5. Rhonda,

    Your post certainly struck a chord with me. Ever since I was a kid getting into my mom’s lingerie drawer, I knew I liked wearing female clothes but did not know why. For many years I tried to do what guys were supposed to do, but really was not comfortable with it. Now Claire is out and about regularly, and your comment about feeling “liberated and complete” says exactly what I feel. My girlfriends tell me they would rather be with Claire than my male persona, and I am definitely more comfortable – and more fun! – when I’m wearing my “comfy clothes”. So to answer your question: for me, it is definitely internal, and the clothes are an expressions of this. More complex than CD’ing indeed.

    BTW, we live in Ft. Pierce and occasionally go shopping in West Palm (my wife and I love Trader Joe’s!). I’d love to meet at some point; I’ll send you my e-mail.


  6. I have found that once I have reached the point where the general public usually considers me to be a woman I have entered an entire no realm where I am very content

  7. I feel comfortable either way at home. When I'm out I am more comfortable with clothes that match my gender expression. I can dress as a woman (often in jeans) and be perceived as a woman, at those times I would feel very uncomfortable wearing mens clothes. And occasionally I will go out in mens clothes, but wear one or two womens items, which I am perfectly fine with, but nothing particularly feminine, that I would not be comfortable with when presenting male. To me clothes are clothes and it is only the social situation and the gender presentation that has an impact for me.