Friday, August 2, 2019

Feminine Differential - Power

By: Anonymous

I am always amazed at my Power as a woman. I remember the first time I recognized it. I think I was still in my late 20’s and I was truly in the closet. When the opportunity arose, I would dress and sneak out of the house, get in the car and drive a few blocks to a quiet street where I would park, walk down the sidewalk, pretend to mail a letter in the big, blue, mailbox, and then walk back to my car, drive home, and go back inside. My “night out” was, at that point, over. Long before there were cameras at ATM’s I would also pretend to use them as an opportunity to exit the car and get out “among the living” as I was thinking back then.

Normally, I tried to do all of this totally by myself. If someone was at the ATM I would drive around until they left. I was afraid to be noticed and afraid of being examined too closely. One night I pulled up to the empty and quiet ATM and started to swing my legs out of the car when I realized a man was sitting in a car parked two spaces away and who had a perfect view of my exit. The strange thing…to me…was not that he was gawking at me thinking that he was seeing a man in a dress, but, rather, that he was watching a girl exiting a car and enjoying looking at her legs and shoes and maybe hoping for a peek at her knees as she got out of the car. While I was scared, I felt I had to continue or for sure I would be recognized as a sham, so I simply got out, straightened my skirt, got my purse and went over to the machine to do my “fake transaction.” When I finished, I turned around and realized that the man was still there and still looking. Although I wanted to just run away, I walked nicely back to the car, getting into the driver’s seat as gracefully as I could while not looking his way.

I could tell, for the first time, that the man enjoyed seeing what he was seeing and I enjoyed being the object of his attention. I was amazed by the Power I had to “make” men look at me. Later, I learned that I could even “tease” men with my clothes, and shoes and that men were powerless to not look. I explored my Power like an adolescent girl, wearing clothes that were too provocative, skirts that were too short, heels that were too high, and sweaters that were too tight, but always, with the intent of getting men to look at me.

Sometime in my thirties I realized that there were men who wanted me sexually. I realized that for some men, I was a turn on, and I could talk and cross my legs and they would look at my knees and get hard. I could laugh and tease them and make them want me. I was using my “Woman’s Power” to draw men to me. They got what they wanted and I got what I wanted.

Much later in my life, I started to have relationships with men. I started to have regular boyfriends who I would see on a recurring basis. It was fun being half of a couple. I enjoyed the female role immensely and realized that I could be a wife just like any other woman. I began to think about having a husband and I imagined what it would have been like to have had children and a family and to have been a mom. I didn’t think about this in a delusional state. I knew, and know now, that this vision is only a pipe-dream, but it was fun to think about and interesting to see how I felt about it inside. It was a new dimension to my Power.

Today, I dress conservatively, but with a little tiny bit of sexy flair that keeps men looking. I’ve learned to know what they like. If the skirt is above the knee, the top is not too open but it still shows off my C-cup breasts. If the skirt is at the knee, I might wear a blouse with an open button that reveals a little peek at my cleavage, or something with a conservatively scooped neck that shows a little skin. If the dress is long, say, ankle length, then the top is going to have a deep-vee that shows my cleavage and perhaps a spaghetti strap that puts my
shoulders and neck in view.

Last night I met my boyfriend at the bar for a drink before dinner. He is tall and handsome and gay…a truly rare combination! I sat at the bar with my crossed legs under the bartop. He, sat next to me, facing my side, with one leg under the bartop and one resting on the back lower rung of my stool. When I shifted my position to recross my legs the other way, I noticed he was looking at my knees and legs, obviously enjoying what he was seeing. He was telling me a funny story and he kept touching my arm and knee as he told the humorous parts. It was really sweet. He seemed to be somehow moving a little closer to me and I liked how that felt. When I turned toward him slightly, my crossed legs came in contact briefly with his leg. As I told my side of his funny story I gently brushed my leg into his inner thigh. He pushed back just a little so he could stay in contact. There were two women seated a couple of seats across from us and I could tell they knew just what was going on. I think at least one of them would have been happy to change places with me! We talked and flirted, and then he said, “are you hungry? Let’s go over to Renato’s for dinner!” I was thrilled and delighted. 

As we walked out of the bar, he held the door open for me and then took my hand as we walked down the stairs to the valet station. I couldn’t have been happier...

The Power was still working!


  1. Men desire women and women desire to be desired

    As a teen and young man I never had a girlfriend. I knew I was transgender even before there was a term for it. I would look at women with envy, and men with disinterest.

    I see now that I mistook envy for attraction and lust.

    I assumed my envy and admiration of girls was sexual desire

    Looking back I see my focus on females was different than other teen boys and young men. They had this drive to pursue and respond to flirtations ques that girls sent.

    I can look back at a bunch of examples where a woman was trying to get my attention and I just didn't respond correctly. "I just didn't get it"

    My wife is a prime example, she flirted with me at work for months, gave me her number etc. It wasn't until she called me that we went out.

    Through out our marriage I would mentally take the female role during sex

    I started cross dressing and going out and about in my 50's

    Although I have never cheated on my wife I am guilty of flirting with men. It seems married men in their 60’-70’s, love to flirt with me. I can pick them out almost to a tee, and only have to, feign the slightest interest and over they come to open a door or give directions.

    I began to understand my sexuality at this point. The idea that a man would be interested in me because I was female got me going big time.

    The idea that he wanted me and desired me because I was a pretty woman just made me melt.

    I had been taught by society the patriarchal view of male sexuality, desire, lust, pursue and conquest.

    As a young person when I tried to apply that to men it didn't fit I didn't have that lust for them.

    However, being yearned for and wanted by a male well that seemed to do it.

    With age comes gray hair and hopefully a bit of wisdom.

    As the writer of this article details her dreams, I too have envisioned a life as a mother, wife, and businesswoman.

    It all fits. No doubt.

    If I only knew then what I know now.

    1. Paula what a great comment - Thank you for sharing!

      "If I only knew then what I know now."

  2. My viewpoint is more like, "If they only knew what I know (and what I have concealed between my crossed legs)." I have had my share of "Me Too" incidents, and, although I can see the potential of the power over men in being a woman, I realize that my power is really only the taking advantage of men's weakness. Of course, I am different than the author, in that I am creeped out thinking I may be giving cause for a man's erection; my dysphoria giving me cause to have, at least, mixed emotions about my own.

    I hope I never hear, again, someone say that sex is between the legs and gender is between the ears. Besides the humor I see in the fact that there is a lot of sex that takes place with one's ears between another's legs, sex is always a combination of what takes place in both the mind and the genitals.

    Having lived most of my life in a male existence (even if reluctantly for much of that time), I feel power in my abilities in being capable doing many things of which women are not necessarily expected. In not flaunting those abilities, especially to men, I can now play the part of a "vulnerable" woman in order to get what I want. You posted, Rhonda, on a "Friend's Friday" post, one such incident I had with the manager of an auto parts store. He installed new windshield wipers for me during a torrential downpour. I didn't need to flirt with him to do it, nor did I even expect him to do it. I certainly felt the power of being perceived as a vulnerable woman then, but the real power I felt was that I could well have done it myself, if I had to do so.

    It's all a game we play; how nice that we can choose which team! ;-)

  3. What a great post, Rhonda. Good comments also. All very easy for me to relate to.