Wednesday, March 11, 2020

Devil vs Angel

It is almost impossible for someone who is not transgender to fully comprehend the complexity of being transgender. It is the little voice always whispering and demanding  new escapes. The - “I found the courage to do this 'impossibility', what challenges can we overcome next." As one blog recently stated:
 My heart was racing and I was immediately struck with the thought, OK, what next?
The issue for many is how do we sort the two voices? 

I have become more open with my escapes over the past 20 years, having been employed as Rhonda, and in my unique limited way, socially transitioning.  I am a member of several business networking groups, social groups and special interest groups.  Also a political/activist group.   

Attending Women's Networking Group 
What do I mean by my "Social Transition?" First, the things I have not changed.  I have not changed my legal name nor do I have any usable papers that would allow me to represent myself as anything other who I am. I do interact under my birth gender still, although not sure how well. My appearance at times may be considered androgynous, thus causing confused gendering. 

What has changed? I perceive that most when interacting accept me as female. I have not received the classic double-take in years. I am confident enough to interact at all levels socially and in any place. I no longer feel the need to display overt femininity to validate my appearance. Jeans, a t-shirt, sneakers, and minimal makeup suffice. The elaborate over-the-top presentation only garners undue attention and questions. I am happy that I have outgrown that necessity. Arriving at this place has not been easy. Many years of trepidation, and trial/error.

No matter where you are in the process, chart your own course. Support groups are beneficial and therapists are wonderful sounding boards. However, do not be influenced by others as to what your course "must" be. We are not all the same. 

I remember being at a Gender Conference many years back and hearing a presenter raising a question and then answer it. "What is the difference between someone that cross-dresses and a transsexual? - Two Years!"

Choosing Her Path
That was upsetting to me and I felt it to be inaccurate. We are all different and listening to our own internal "self" is much more important than thinking that step "A" must progress to step "Z".  Are we not all encouraging each other to be real?  Your "real" is not be the same "real" as someone else's.  My real has been different and I am happy the way it as worked out.   

Listen responsibly to the two voices. Then choose your best path.


  1. I think I first read that term "two years" in the book "My Husband Betty" about 5 years ago. It scared the hell out of me. I immediately sat the book down.
    Now I get it.
    Scared no more....

    1. The book did the same to me as well. I think I yelled at it "NO". But Like you, now it makes sense.

  2. Great post. Well thought out and well written.
    The "T" train is different for everyone. In the first place our yens and inclinations are different. In the second place our physical attributes are different. In the third, and most important place, our social, professional and family circumstances are different.
    We learn early in our dressing that there is no such thing as 'one size fits all' pantyhose. This is true with all of us. we are all different and unique and no one size of anything fits all who find themselves somewhere under the transgender umbrella.

  3. Great article, and "chart your own course" is great advice. Pat responded with three reasons why the "T" train is different for each individual. The third "circumstances" (we are each a unique individual) is perhaps the biggest factor for me. However, even though my journey is different from you and others, and I may wish it were more like you and others, I appreciate being able to follow your journeys as I chart out my own course. Thanks for being there and making your story public.

  4. Gracie - Thank you for the comment.

  5. Having met you in person I can hardly imagine how you could possibly pass as male 😉

  6. All of us with some level of transness are on a spectrum (or several spectrums), so whether socially transitioning, medically transitioning, privately acknowledging that something is different, or something else, we are not, as you say, all the same . . .