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Cover Girl - Caitlin last Thursday in Palm Beach |
Twelve years ago I had never spoken to any other human being while I was dressed…and I’ve been dressing since I was five years old! I just couldn’t stand the isolation anymore and I decided that my life in the closet had to end. So I bucked up the courage to speak to people and that act profoundly changed my life. I remember going into a restaurant with a group of trans women at the first Keystone Conference in Harrisburg.
A woman who was with her husband at the bar gave me a glance and a smile as I passed by. When we returned from dinner she was still there. She smiled. I smiled. I said, “I’ll bet you have a question…” Her face lit up and she said, “oh, I do! I do!” We spent the next hour talking about what it was like to be trans. I guess that’s where it all started. “I’ll bet you have a question…” is just perfect for women…especially married women in the company of their husbands. It’s non-threatening and if they don’t want to talk they can simply say, “no, I don’t have a question,” I’ve probably used this conversation starter a hundred times over the years and I have yet to find a woman to say, “no.”
There are lots of other conversation starters, of course. I try to form questions that are a) open-ended (so I don’t get a “yes” or “no” answer), b) that are unusual or even just jarring enough to make the person turn off their “autopilot.” Let’s list a few below:
- If you were in charge of the playlist, what song would you play next?
- Why did you come here tonight?
- What’s your favorite part about living here? What’s the least favorite?
- Do you think [this city] is a place most people move to or move from? Why?
- What do you miss most about leaving your last town…and what were you happy to leave behind?
- Since you live here, what [restaurant, event, museum, points of interest] should I try not to miss.
- If you had to switch outfits with one person here, who would it be?
- If you could live anywhere in the world, where would it be? Why?
- You remind me of a celebrity, but I’m having trouble remembering their name…Who are you normally compared to?
- I’ve got a big decision ahead of me and I could use your advice. Should I have [Appetizer #1] or [Appetizer #2]? Smile.
There is probably nothing better than a friendly smile to start any conversation. Showing others that you are approachable and open signals that you are interested in engaging and that you won’t reject them. Try a few of my questions the next time you’re out. You may be pleasantly surprised by the positive response you get. Success builds success.
Hugs to all,
Caitlin
Caitlin
ReplyDeleteI have been blessed to call you my friend forever and I cannot agree with you more about the power of a smile and the warm positive feelings you get by , being approachable, talking with strangers and "educating" the public.
No one does any better than you!
Miss you and the crowd!
Melanie