Tuesday, May 8, 2018

Living In The Land of Femininity

The big reveal - “I AM TRANS!”  There I said it. 

" I was not born a girl."
First - Trans is a loaded word that many see as either meaning “transvestite” or a “transsexual”. Neither of which apply to me personally. “I was not born female” is the same without the baggage. When faced with a personal history discussion that is the description utilized. That is all that is needed in way of an explanation. The reveal does open up many positive avenues for follow-up discussion questions, thus proceed as necessary. Note – in my opinion, an anatomy discussion is never appropriate even when it is the first follow-up question.  

Why not be stealth and never need a reveal? Stealth is keeping your transgender status secret. That is a wonderful option available to a privileged few. God Bless if that works for you.  

My transgender history progressed like this: Early on I had wonderful visits to the “Land of femininity”.  A place I love. At first, I was a tourist taking in every aspect; the colors, environment, and culture. The visits were exhilarating and I constantly wanted more. Next, I got a temporary visa and did extended stays. The time there was wonderful; even magic. Finally, I took up residence and worked in a place I love with occasional returns home.  

As with any outsider in a new land, there is language, traditions and costuming to learn. I was a natural at the costuming and diligently studied the language and traditions. However, no matter how much effort I employ, some natives will always "know" because they grew up there – I did not.

Fact - The male to female  (MtF) transgender individual is working from a biological disadvantage. Biology is a demanding instructor. The default human form is female. Major changes take place at puberty and unless you start hormone blockers, preadolescence, we develop as the powerful hormones dictate. The default is overridden. The process involves the development of secondary sexual characteristics which are very difficult to shift.

Some of the effects can be reversed, some cannot. Also, it takes many years to relearn survival and mating techniques which are intrinsic. Evolution has taught us well. 

The upshot here is to reveal when necessary and just let the rest make their own judgments. They are going to do it regardless. This is the rationale on people watching. Always display a confident attitude being who you are, thus not inviting suspicion. Just know that women are much more observant than men especially where other women are concerned; the competition.

Fortunately, in my case, because of physical stature and natural hair, I go everywhere I want and do whatever I want. I realize how lucky. I am happy that I pass most of the time, however happier, I don’t live in stealth.

Be realistic about your "stealth abilities" and be a good transgender ambassador in the land of femininity. 

1 comment:

  1. Great column! I am moving from the temporary visa stage into permanent residence in a matter of weeks (hopefully). You are so correct, the learning curve is steep and sometimes seems overwhelming. Fortunately, I have been welcomed with open arms by the women close to me.